As this Holiday season draws to a close, many single dudes still haven’t done their shopping (lets be honest, Dudes don’t shop).  To help you find the perfect gift for your friends and fellow Dude-ers, I have put together this list of extremely dude-tastic gifts for you to check out.

The Beer Holster

To start off, we have The Beer holster.  While at first glance this holster is full of douchieness, after thinking about it practically it makes a ton of sense and is a great gift.  First off, it’s a great for use during the Holiday season.  These are times when family is around and, lets face it, Family can suck ass for a living.  Having a cold one strapped to your leg will make any family experience that much more bearable.  If you’re married well then you’re fucked from the start, but Duding CAN be done while dealing with the in-laws.  Having a brew-dog right there will ease the tensions in your brain and allow you to say hello to the beast from Saskatchewan (again, Canadians) even as your soul shrivels that much more.  But you’re drunk and getting drunker so who cares?

Second, the Dude in every father in-law never really dies, its is just pounded down into a subservient shit heel. When they see your stylin’ beer holster, they will remember their inner Dude and drop a few back with you (remember they are JUST as miserable as you are), instantly making them ore Dudely.

This simple strap of leather will help you to get through the evening and hopefully into the sack with your woman for that once a year sex you look forward to.

The second Dudely application is during the summer.  A Dude should never be further than arms length from his beer when grilling during the summer months.  These times are hot and a Dude always needs to keep his cool (as well as stay drunk as much as possible), so having a beer strapped to your thigh at all times furthers your ability to stay worthy of the title Dude.  You may ask, “But why not just carry around a flask at a grill session or put your beer down at the table?”  Fine questions, all.  For starters, although a Dude wants to be drunk, the use of a flask at a Summer BBQ can lead to a very un-Dudely loss of control, dehydration and pissing of ones shorts.  We keep a relative drunk of 5 beers an hour before eating and a healthy 7-10 after.  Mixing in liquor will up the ante and you will most likely shit yourself and drown in a kiddy pool.

As for putting your bottle down, it is very easy to lose track of your beverage if you do not have it near you at all times.  Dudes don’t drink warm beer as it tastes like piss and that is very un-Dudely.  Putting it down allows for some other Dude to mistakenly (Dudes NEVER share beers) pick it up and take a sip.  Having it strapped to your leg allows you to keep one hand on it as a temp gauge and at the same time as a “Back the Fuck off my Beer” guard.  I hope you will enjoy this handy invention and get it for any Dudes out there who need to Suit Up just that much more.

http://gifts.redenvelope.com/gifts/beer-holster-30002961?viewpos=2&trackingpgroup=RFMCO&REF=REDSRCHgoogkwd_man+gifts_b&PRID=SRCHribbon20

The Solar Radio

Now to the untrained eye, this very Dudely gadget might not be for you, but let me tell you why you will die cold, alone and in a very un-Dudely way if you don’t get this thing.

http://gizmodo.com/5716757/solar-radio-doubles-as-usb-charging-multitool-for-adventurers

This gadget is super bad-ass for any Dudes of the outdoors as it will probably save your life.  Its made for the manliest of hikers who, when out in the middle of nowhere, get lost and refuse to ask for directions (as all Dudes do.  Hey, who the fuck are you to tell me where to go?)  So this all-in-one gadget has a compass, barometer (whatever the hell that is), a temp gauge and altimeter for starters.  Its rubberized for shock & water-proofing and has a clip for your belt (so it can hang right next to your beer holster.  No Dude ever hikes/camps sober (see DDO Camping Trip)).  And to make sure you pack as light as possible (as any Marty Stauffer/Grizzly Adams-type would tell you), this awesome gift from the Dude Gods even comes with a bottle opener.

These 2 gift ideas are ideal for the Dude out there who has everything and should be purchased at the last possible second to avoid looking like you care enough about anyone or anything enough to go shopping for them.  Remember, during this holiday season, Dude hard but Dude safely.

Happy Holidays!

DMD.Net

I'm on a river! Never thought I'd see the day...big blue watery way.

There are few things in the world that are more Dudely besides heading out into the wilderness for a weekend with nothing but your balls, beers, booze, and ambition to get completely annihilated with your friends. If you are brave enough to take on a country excursion then heed some words of wisdom from your friendly Dudes.  

Recently the Bohemian Dude and 10 of his Compadudes headed to the Shenandoah River Valley to camp, fish, play poker, cornhole, and bring the DDO to a whole new level. We set up camp right next to the river; most of the dudes brought tents but some were adventurous enough to bring tent cots and hammocks. The weather was perfect, 75 and clear skies. After setting up camp we started a fire, threw some dogs and burgers on the grill and cracked some brew dogs to start it off. Not only is it necessary to bring an obscene amount of beers and hard liquor, camping also is kin to its organic friends, so make sure you have plenty. 

After a few rounds of drinking corn hole; losers take 2 shots and winners take 1, each round the losers drink the difference of the score. We all decided it was time to get in the river, not only to relieve our bladders, but to float and relax in the cool current. Now the river provides not only cool, crisp refreshment, but also serves as a source of nourishment. If you run out of water stuck out in the woods, you can boil some river water and treat it with a water treatment program, again found at your local outdoor store. There’s also plenty of wildlife in the water, fish, crayfish, mollusks, etc. Make sure you bring a fishing rod and some bait, or it’ll be a long weekend of berries and the runs!  

Once the night falls, break out the flashlights and lanterns so that you can play cards and other drinking games until the fire is out and you’re seeing triple. After you’ve taken all your friends money in a drunken haze, it’s either time to shoot off some guns (potato guns in this case) and cause a bunch of ruckus until you all pass out. It’s pretty routine to fuck with the wildlife at night, just be careful you know how to handle the primal retaliation that may come with it!  

Dudemandude…hopefully this has inspired you to get in touch with your dude roots and get out in the wild blue yonder with your compadudes to get completely destroyed. You never know what nature may throw your way, but at least you know you can DUDE with the best of them! 

Inception opens it’s viewers minds to a visually stunning world of dreams, redemption and industrial espionage.  If you haven’t seen Inception yet, stop reading this article and go check it out and don’t forget your thinking cap.

Inception follows the journey of Dominic Cobb (Leonardo DiCaprio), a man with a talent for stealing peoples most private secrets through their dreams.  Dominic is motivated to continue his work as a means to reconnect with his children since he has a warrant out for his arrest in connection to the death of his wife.  Dominic collects a small cadre of talented dream thieves and dream architects comprised of the beautiful Ellen Page, the unexpectedly awesome Joseph Gordon-Levitt (who you might also know as Cobra Commander from the G.I. Joe Movie) and the up and coming Dileep Rao (from Drag Me To Hell and Avatar).

The job that Dominic and his team are faced with is not the usual snatch and grab.  This time they need to plant an idea in the mind of Robert Fischer (Cillian Murphy), a man who is about to inherit the reigns of a huge multibillion dollar conglomerate owned by his father.  Their job is to convince Mr. Fischer to break up the company.  As you might guess, this is far from a small task.

Flawlessly executed and perfectly timed this film directed by Christopher Nolan, known for directing such films as Memento and The Dark Knight, is an amazing movie.  This high concept movie is an amazing thrill ride from dream to dream…or is it reality?  Either way it’s enthralling!   Don’t be fooled though, this movie is not all deep thought, it has lots of hard hitting action sequences to satisfy the action loving dudes out there.  So put your dude thinking cap on and try to discover how many dream levels deep you can go before the action and the intrigue sweep you away.

I give this film a solid 5 out of 5 Beards!

“Get Him To The Greek” is a non stop, no holds barred, dudefest!  Put on your drinking hats and follow Aldous Snow to the Greek Theater in L.A.

Jonah Hill plays Aaron Green, a young record company intern obsessed with Aldous Snow (Russell Brand) and who is trying to get by while not losing his dudeliness  to his longtime girlfriend.  In a meeting with his boss Sergio (P. Diddy) he proposes a comeback tour for Aldous Snow who’s last album “African Child” was almost a career ending disaster.  Aaron finds himself in charge of getting the wild and uncooperative rocker to the famous Greek Theatre in L.A. in 3 days with a stop at the Today Show on the way.

This movie brings back Aldous Snow from “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” and does not disappoint.  As the antagonist, Russel Brand brings wonderful depth to a purposely shallow character.  The dynamic between Jonah Hill and Russel Brand is pitch perfect for this opposites attract Bromance.  Jonah Hill is at his best, chasing/waddling after Brand through out the film, living the life of a drug addled rock star while delivering his lines in his particular dry and sarcastic fashion.

The jokes are crude, the scenarios are crude and the characters are crude which makes this movie HILARIOUS!  If it’s not at a theater near you any longer, check this out as soon as it comes to DVD/Blu-Ray (September 28, 2010).  You will not be disappointed.

I give this film 5 out of 5 Beards!

Dude: Yea I know I’m just prolonging my lifespan, thanks.

So browsing the internet I found a study, which came out last year, confirming what I’ve saying for years! A recent article in the New England Journal of Medicine supports the idea that staring at women’s breasts prolongs your lifespan, possibly by four or five years!!!! Now I’m the first to tout the benefits of staring at boobs but this is on a whole new level. Researchers claim that staring at boobs causes sexual excitement, which improves blood circulation and can eventually cut the risk of heart attack and stroke in half!

But wait, you’re now asking yourself, who would be audacious enough to conduct this type of research. Well it was… yup, you guessed it… zee Gehhhmaaannsss. The study (link to the article can be found here) was authored by a female nonetheless and she really knows what dudes are interested in:

According to Dr. Karen Weatherby, a gerontologist and author of the study, gawking at women’s breasts is a healthy practice, almost at par with an intense exercise regime, that prolongs the lifespan of a man by five years.

She added, “Just 10 minutes of staring at the charms of a well-endowed female, is roughly equivalent to a 30-minute aerobics work-out.”

She also said that dudes “over 40 should gaze at larger breasts daily for 10 minutes. ” Yup, we’re right there with ya lady!

So dudes if any female gives you slack about staring at her bazoombas, just cite this study. The dudes here at dudemandude.net have already begun to make a habit of it. Also, if anyone has any information on further studies involving breasts, beer or BMWs please contact me immediately at foreigndude@dudemandude.net. I will get the dudes in on it and give you a nice dudely pat on the back and possibly invite you for our next duding adventure… weeeelll, that might be a stretch but hey, ya never know.

UPDATE: So I checked it out on snopes.com and apparently this claim is false and it was all a hoax. Oh well, we won’t tell anyone that. Stare on dudes, stare on!

Dr. Waka Flocka Flame D.D.S

Dudemandude.net has official photograph evidence that Waka Flocka Flame aka Juaquin Malphurs (pictured above) does in fact go “HARD IN THE PAINT”. (Evidence Pictured Below)  Rumors arouse shortly after the success of his new single “Hard in the Paint” questioning whether or not Mr. Flame did actually go “Hard in the Paint”.  As you can see in our exclusive photographic evidence, the rumors are, in fact, false and Mr. Flame does go “HARD in (the) PAINT”.  When asked for comment, Mr. Flame simply reiterated his original statement, “I GO HARD IN THE PAINT!”  he later thanked “God” and “his fans” before Kanye West swooped in and stole the microphone.  Dudemandude.net reporters quickly fled the scene.

You heard it here first.  Dudemandude.net beat out TMZ and Oprah to bring you this breaking news first.  Stay tuned for more updates…

This is no joke! Flocka does "Go Hard in the Paint"

You can check out Mr. Flame’s new smash single, “Go Hard in the Paint” here:

The Sasquatch Dude

I know this is a looong time coming but I finally had the balls to write it. So I’d like to begin this week’s post by defending my honor. According to the Renaissance Dude in his NY post, I drive like an old woman. This is simply not true, I own a very dudely Xterra that I have equipped with all-terrain tires and a brush guard which keep me from driving obnoxious speeds on the NJ Turnpike. But whatever man The Foreign Dude doesn’t get offended or complain. The rest of the Dude-York story is true, I did vomit a KFC stacker.

And back to my post… At the end of May, I had the opportunity to get drunk and listen to cool tunes with a giant ApeMan and we became friends and he’ll be posting on here as the Sasquatch Dude. We have officially initiated him as one of the dudes. He loves beef, Harry and the Hendersons, camping and facebook. Wait, no that never happened. Sorry, I’ve consumed a couple Magic Hats and my memory is a little fuzzy. I didn’t really hang out with Sasquatch, which I admit would be really dudely, but I did have the opportunity to go to Sasquatch! Music Festival from Friday May 29 until Monday May 31st at a venue called The Gorge in Washington State. It was a ridiculous occasion filled with drinking games, mosh pits, west coast brews, Canadians and good music.

So going along with the theme of us dudes Duding Across America, yours truly, The Foreign Dude, went to Washington State to the Gorge Amphitheatre in a city called Quincy. Quincy is about a 3-hr car-ride from Seattle, but naturally driving at dude speeds, we made it in 2 and half. Being that I duded solo on this one (much to my dismay, it would have been much more ridiculous with the other fellow dudes there), I met up with a old friend, picked up some fun broads drove through some ridiculous scenery made it to Sasquatch by 10 AM on that Saturday.

I totally recommend staying at the Wildhorse Campground which is way more chill than the Gorge Campground, which is full of jerkoff kids that haven’t yet figured out how to party. While there is food served at the campground itself and at the venue it can get expensive so the Foreign Dude recommends bringing some snacks, plenty of bottled water, a grill for breakfast foods and hot dogs, and bottles of clear liquor so you can sneak it into the concerts in a water bottle. (Yes I just used the Oxford Comma, I’ll leave it up to you guys to figure out if it’s dudely). Alcohol is really expensive and spending $8 bucks for a tallboy of a crap beer like Coors Light isn’t really what I consider awesome. Smuggle in the alcohol! Somehow we also brought cans of Chef Boyardee Ravioli and grilled them, but it only works when you’re blind drunk.

So there were bands and performers all day for the three days. There were four stages set up and there was pretty much some awesome band playing wherever you went. Now the line-up wasn’t as good as last year, but hey I got to see some awesome bands play which I normally probably wouldn’t have been able to see. The first night we rocked out in the pit for back to back performances by The National and Vampire Weekend. Things were a blur, but that’s always a good thing. They put on amazing shows. I also caught performances by She and Him (Zoe Deschanel’s band, she’s effing hot), Kid Cudi, Public Enemy (yes Flavor Flav was there), LCD Soundsystem, They Might be Giants, Ween, MGMT, and Japandroids to name a few (you can check out the website and see the actual line-up here). By far my favorite performance though had to have been Massive Attack. Sitting on the lawn listening to their music, with the visuals they used put me in the most dudely state-of-mind.

The Craig Robinson Dude

Aside from the music, I got to see comedic performances from Bobcat Goldthwait and Craig Robinson. Both were hilarious in their own rites, but I gotta say Craig Robinson is just a naturally funny dude. He brought a keyboard and just dicked around during his performance, hillaaaaarious. After all the bands play, they turn one of the stages into a dance party and if you’re all into dancing with sweaty, scantily-clad hippie chics, then that’s the place for you. Oh and one last thing, the view of the main stage is absolutely gorgeous. The Gorge is the prettiest venue I have ever been to. You’re basically watching bands rock out and behind the stage there is this giant canyon and when the sun sets, it’s like God is being like “duuuude, check this awesomeness ouuttt” and you’re responding being mesmerized while trying your absolute best not to soil yourself.

All and all Sasquatch! was a freakin’ blast. The only crazy thing that really happened though was that on Monday, I tried to party a little too hard and blacked out in the middle of the day. I came to eating a hot dog at the top of the hill, random. So I decided to make my rounds and see more stuff and I’m not sure if I was still blacking out but some crazy kid tried to sell me a butter knife. Sooo as you can see, nothing majorly dudely happened during the concert. Anyway, I would have enjoyed the concerts more if there was a better line-up and if I were with the Dudemandudes. Besides that, Sasquatch! has major duding potential and we’re hoping to make it back out next year. As for 2010, Sasquatch gets a 3 out of 5 beards. I hope to dude with all y’all there next year!

It's Wedding Season. Dude it up!

Its that time again.  Country Clubs and restaurants are booked solid, stretch limos  and Escalades are lined up outside churches of all denominations and normal women every where are transforming into Bride-zillas.  It’s Wedding Season and you’re on your way back form the dry cleaners with that old suit you’ve had since college.  You know the one with the stains from the numerous White Russians and other mixed drinks that you wouldn’t drink usually – UNLESS you were at an open bar.  The Good Old Open Bar – sometimes the one determining factor whether or not you decide to put a check mark on the line next to “Attending” on the RSVP.  Now weddings for your friends, your family, people you converse with regularly that’s a different story.  You’re usually somewhat involved in the wedding and depending on how well you know the family or if it’s your own, there’s usually a level of “self control” that is expected of you because Great-Grandmother Agnes still thinks of you as a “sweet little boy”.  Bouncing around the room like a pinball and grinding on the mother of the bride isn’t exactly the way to keep that status in her mind – let alone set yourself up for that portion of her inheritance you’re due to get after the old broad croaks.

Nope, I’m talking about…

weddings for people that are friends of friends or the infamous friends or family of your current girlfriend / significant other.  These are the weddings that you’re not sure if you should go or not cuz “I don’t know anybody”.  The fact that no one knows you there isn’t always a bad thing! Dudes, don’t get me wrong, it could be an awkward situation the more you contemplate it – but as long as theres an open bar at the reception you can fight those early nerves by knocking back a few Dude-ly cocktails.  But who says you have to wait til the reception to start pounding brews and mixed drinks???  And who says the Booze-fest has to stop after the reception ends?  Since I’ve found myself in these situations several time over my Dude-ly career I thought I’d share some tips on how to turn this potentially awkward and boring situation into a Duding Story for the ages.

ICBDs OD (Ice Cold Brew Dogs On Demand)

Pre-Game the Ceremony

Whether you’re there alone or as someone’s date, this is the best way to loosen up and get in proper Duding Form.  Find a bar close to the church and get there about an hour to 2 hours before the actual wedding.  Knock back a few ICBD’s and get to know the other Dudes that you’ll be hanging out with at the reception in a few hours.  This will clear up any awkward hand shakes followed by the ever popular “So…what do you do?” conversation starter that usually ends in blank staring across the room and repeated sips of a drink you don’t even like.  (Like I said, I’ve been there before)

But how many drinks should I knock back?

Enough to get loose, but not so much that you’re laughing uncontrollably during the ceremony and screaming out “Don’t do it!” several times throughout.  Save being That Dude for the reception, TRUST ME.

Maintain the Buzz

Mouth Cancer without the Messy Cleanup!

You never know how long these things are going to last and THEY NEVER START ON TIME.  Nothing worse than losing a decent buzz and feeling like shit before the party begins.  This is a new tactic I’ve been working with – grab a tin of spitless tobacco.  Throw a couple of those bad boys in your upper lips – you can hide them easily and no one will notice.  I’m a big fan of Camel Snus – Frost Flavor.  Try it out, see if it works for you.  The best parts about it is the fact that its easy to conceal and there’s no annoying dip cup needed.  Just sit back, relax and you’ll float right through the ceremony.

Open Bar: The Reason You're There!

Ride the Open Bar

At this point, you’ve made it through the tough parts.  Now its time to get down to some Hard Core Duding.  Make a B-Line for the Open Bar as soon as you get there.  Make sure you and your dates have drinks in hand at all times.  Start it out with a nice comfortable drink like a Cranberry Vodka or a Brew, to get back into the swing of things.  Then work your way up to the Old Man (Double Scotch on the Rocks) and exotic drinks (Long Island Iced Teas) you know – the shit that you wouldn’t drink unless somebody else was paying for it.  MAKE SURE YOU’VE GOT SOME CASH ON YOU!  Tip the bartender well for your first round and they’ll never forget you.  Drop a $10 or a $20 right off the bat and watch the drinks get stiffer and stiffer.  Reconnect with the Dudes and Broads you met at the Pre-Game bar, do a few shots with them and pick up where you left off.  Keep the conversation rolling.

Request some songs that you know

"Tanto! Jump on it, jump on it!"

At some point or another, your date is going to want to dance with you.  It’s inevitable.  Get the DJ or Band to play some songs you know you can move to.  If your dancing looks a lot like Elaine’s Full Out Seizure from Seinfeld (Yup, I referenced that show AGAIN!)  stick to the classics like “Shout”, “YMCA”, “Apache” etc.  You know, songs that EVERYBODY at the wedding can dance to.  Sweat it out with everybody on the dance floor – keep getting LOOSE!  Break out The Sprinkler and The Shopping Cart if need be.  Dance down The Line that forms at almost every wedding – come prepared with some new moves to Wow the crowd.  Get them asking, “Who is that Dude?” Remember, for the most part they don’t know you and probably will never see you AGAIN.  So Dude it up!

Back to the Open Bar

At this point, your tie should be working its way up to your forehead – like a stylish Ralph Macchio.  You’re covered in sweat and need to Re-Dehydrate.  Hit up some more Mixed Drinks and Brews to keep the night rolling.  Order shots as needed.  Alternate between dancing and bar trips until the reception ends.

Find a local bar

Good Evening, Gents. What'll it be?

End of the night… or is it?  Doesn’t have to be.  At this point you’ve got a plastic lei around your neck, your tie around your head, shirt open, beater exposed and you picked up somebody else’s jacket.  They played the last song of the evening and you’re on your way out the door.  But it doesn’t have to end here.  Hit up the hotel bar or a local one if necessary.  Continue Duding by slamming brew after brew and Dude-pressuring your new friends into more shots and bad decisions.

After the bar its the Hotel Party…

The bars are closing, its about 2am and you’re still in the mood to Dude.  Grab some 6′ers to go and take the party back to somebody’s hotel room.  Dude-pressure the guy who can barely walk into hosting the Late Night Duding Fest. Keep the party going, invite randoms you meet at the bar, the more the better.  It’s not your room, so who cares.  Your goal is to be “The Remainder”, the dude that stays awake longer than everybody there.  Throw a few Red Bulls in the mix – try to make it til sunrise.

Perfect Ending to a Dude-ly Evening!

Waffle House

Find a 24 hour breakfast place and hit it up with whoever is left.  Order the left side of the menu and some coffee and reflect on your Duding experience.

There’s your blue print for turning a potentially awkward situation into an ideal Duding Experience.

Keep checking back here for more Tips on how to Dude more efficiently in almost any situation.

The Force is Strong with this Bear

Wait a minute…Is that Baby Dude?

Ghost bustin’ Tech

Trailer for ‘Toy Story 3: Inception’

Please disregard the fact that Kanye is in the Picture - This workout is LEGIT!

In a world of DVD-based training systems, the Cross-Fit phenomenon and Chuck Norris endorsed fitness products (Buy TOTAL GYM NOW!!!! – Insert Roundhouse kick here) Dudes are constantly being bombarded with alternatives for sculpting their Dude-ly physiques.

So, What’s the best way?  No one knows – depends on the Dude. (Seriously)  But if you’re looking to change up your boring routine and insert a little “muscle confusion” (over used term), check out the tips and articles provided in this Category.

Now, they don’t call me the Renaissance Dude for nothing, I am – among other things – a Certified Personal Meathead… I mean Trainer and Certified Strength and Conditioning Coach.  So, I kindaaaaaa know what I’m talking about here.  I’m not going to go into Nutrition – even though that’s the biggest and most overlooked part of getting results from your training – because I’m not a certified Nutritionist.  If you want to eat the Triple Baconator with a Frosty Shake and Large Fry – go ahead – don’t say I didn’t warn you though.  Last, but not least, the most important word of advice:

CHECK WITH YOUR PHYSICIAN BEFORE PERFORMING ANY OF THE EXERCISES MENTIONED HERE!
(The classic don’t sue us if you collapse unexpectedly line)

The Triple Baconator - AED not included

Ok, now that you’re hungry and somewhat motivated – I’m going to begin with one of the most overlooked and often disregarded phases of an efficient workout…..The Warmup!

My “Warmup” Rant

Every good program has one – why should yours be any different?  Especially if you’re one of those guys who still thinks that a few minutes walking or jogging on the treadmill designates a “warmup” – you should pay CLOSE ATTENTION – This might be your missing link.  A Dynamic (Movement based) Warmup is your best bet for any type of lifting session or athletic competition.  These movements raise your core temperature, increase blood flow to the muscles about to be used in your workout, lubricate the joints and train your body to move more efficiently while performing the exercises.  All of these factors reduce your chance of injury, keeping you on your your path to the Ultimate Dude-ly physique.  I don’t know how many time I walk into the gym and I see people sprawled out on the mats COLD (Static) Stretching.

Euthanize your Old Warmup Routine - Go Dynamic!

If you’re one of those guys that goes in there, finds a secluded area and starts performing Hamstring and Quad stretches – holding them for a count of 10 like you used to do in Pop Warner – you’re setting yourself up for big time injury.  We’ve all heard that our muscles are like rubber bands, if you work the band and warmup it up properly, it becomes more flexible.  But, if you begin to stretch the band immediately, without properly warming it up, the band has potential to snap.

“But Renaissance Dude, what about Yogging (silent J) on the treadmill?  Isn’t that an efficient warmup?”

NO, Ron Burgundy, it isn’t.

If you’re still doing this as your warmup, you really are stuck in the ’70s. Don’t get me wrong, it raises your core temperature and gets the blood flowing, but it doesn’t set you up for the movements you’re about to perform, especially if you’re warming up for any type of resistance training (weights, bands, machines etc.)  You want to pick Dynamic Stretches that closely mimic and prepare the proper muscle groups being incorporated in your lifts.

Most importantly, you want to choose ones that warmup your “Core” muscles.  I say “Core” because this is another loosely used term.  Expect an article from me Ranting about this, very soon.  But, in short, your “Core” muscles do not just include your AB-DOMINALS – It includes all muscles from the bottom of your rib cage to your hamstrings! This muscles are crucial in maintaining proper posture in your body while standing, walking and especially performing resistance (weighted) exercises.

Okay, I think I made my point.  I’ve listed some very common, yet overlooked, Dynamic Stretches / Movements that should be performed before your workout.  The total duration of the warmup shouldn’t be more than about 10 – 15 minutes.  You don’t want to kill yourself before you get into your workout.  Pick stretches and movements that are closely associated with the exercises you’ll be performing on those days.  For each of these, shoot for about 10 repetitions, including single limb (unilateral) movements.

CAT – CAMEL

Cat - Camel

Position – Knees on Ground – Hips up – Back Straight – Shoulders, Elbows and Wrists in line.

Movement – Slowly Arch your Lower Back so that your Chest comes up – Tilt Head Up (Cat – stretching) Then slowly Round your Back one Vertebrae at a time – (Camel Hump) Repeat.

Key points:

- Maintain a straight line from Shoulders to Elbows to Wrists

- DO NOT HOLD ONE POSITION FOR AN EXTENDED PERIOD OF TIME – KEEP MOVING!

Knee Flops -

Position - Lie on your back – Hands stretched out at your sides (“T” shape) – Knees bent – Feet off the floor – Shins parallel to the ceiling

Movement – Rotate from the hips going left to right keeping knees bent at a 90′ angles increasing your ROM (Range of Motion) as you loosen up – Try to touch the ground with the side of your leg as you rotate.

Key points:

- Keep back and shoulders pressed into the ground

- DO NOT raise any part your upper body (Torso) off the ground

- Increase ROM as you continue the drill

Iron Cross

Iron Cross

Position - Lie on your back – Hands stretched out at your sides (“T” shape) – Legs straight – Toes pointed towards ceiling

Movement - Kick your Right leg up (Perpendicular to the floor) – Toe pointed towards head – Leave Left leg straight – Bring Right leg across your body- Try to touch your Toe to your hand as you loosen up- Repeat for Left Side.

Key points:

- Keep back and shoulders pressed into the ground

- DO NOT raise any part your upper body (Torso) off the ground

- Increase ROM as you continue the drill

Glute Bridge

Glute Bridge

Position - Lie on your back – Hands stretched out at your sides (“T” shape) – Knees bent – Feet flat on floor

Movement - Moving from the hips first – Press through your Heels and raise your hips off of the floor – Contract your Glutes (Butt) and Hamstrings (Back of Legs)

Key points:

- Keep upper back and shoulders pressed into the ground

- Increase ROM as you continue the drill

Scorpions

Scorpion Stretch

Position - Lie on your stomach – Hands stretched out at your sides (“T” shape) – Legs straight – Toes touching the floor

Movement - Bend your Right Knee and Contract your Glute – Rotate from your hips – coming across your body – place your Right Heel at or near your Left Hand.  Repeat with the Left Leg.

Key points:

- Try to keep shoulders and chest pressed into the ground – Movement from hips!

- Increase ROM as you continue the drill

- Flexing the Glute is key to avoiding low back pain or discomfort during this drill.

Inchworms

Inchworm Stretch

Position - Start in the Top position of a Pushup – Arms straight – Shoulder, Elbow and Wrist all in line (Perpendicular to the ground)

Movement - Slowly walk your Feet (small steps) – toward your Hands – raising your Hips to the ceiling – Continue to a position that allows you to keep your hands and feet flat on the ground while keeping a slight bend in the knees.  Slowly walk your Feet back to the starting position – Repeat by walking your hands to your feet.

Key points:

- DO NOT round your back as you raise your hips up

- Keep a slight bend in Knees as you raise your hips up

- Increase ROM as you continue the drill

Scapular Retractions

Position - Knees on Ground – Hips up – Back Straight – Shoulders, Elbows and Wrists in line.

Movement – Drop your Chest toward the floor and pinch your Shoulder Blades together WHILE keeping your Arms straight.  Press back up to the starting position.

Key points:

- Maintain a straight line at the Shoulders, Elbows and Wrists

- DO NOT BEND YOUR ELBOWS ON THE MOVEMENT – KEEP STRAIGHT

Plank (Good old ” ‘Bows and Toes”)

Plank Exercises

Position - On the ground – Elbows and Toes as your base – Maintain a straight line from Head to Hips – DO NOT LET YOUR HIPS SAG TO THE FLOOR!

Movement - Maintain this position by squeezing your Glutes (Butt) and bracing (not flexing) your Abs - Hold for 15 – 30secs.  Repeat 3-5 times.

Key points:

- Maintain a straight line from Head to Hips

- Brace Abs as if you’re about to be Punched

- Squeeze Glutes tight – Like you’ve got a Quarter between your Ass Cheeks

- DO NOT LET YOUR HIPS SAG TO THE FLOOR!!!!!

This is just a few of the Dynamic Stretches / Movements you can perform during your warmup.  I guarantee if you incorporate these as your warmup routine, you’ll feel more loose and ready to attack the rest of your workout.  Thank you to all of the websites that provided these images.

Next Rant: The Misconception of the Infamous “Core”

The Real CORE Muscles

Check back soon!