Archive for December, 2010

Dudes,

As this Holiday season draws to a close, many single dudes still haven’t done their shopping (lets be honest, Dudes don’t shop).  To help you find the perfect gift for your friends and fellow Dude-ers, I have put together this list of extremely dude-tastic gifts for you to check out.

The Beer Holster

To start off, we have The Beer holster.  While at first glance this holster is full of douchieness, after thinking about it practically it makes a ton of sense and is a great gift.  First off, it’s a great for use during the Holiday season.  These are times when family is around and, lets face it, Family can suck ass for a living.  Having a cold one strapped to your leg will make any family experience that much more bearable.  If you’re married well then you’re fucked from the start, but Duding CAN be done while dealing with the in-laws.  Having a brew-dog right there will ease the tensions in your brain and allow you to say hello to the beast from Saskatchewan (again, Canadians) even as your soul shrivels that much more.  But you’re drunk and getting drunker so who cares?

Second, the Dude in every father in-law never really dies, its is just pounded down into a subservient shit heel. When they see your stylin’ beer holster, they will remember their inner Dude and drop a few back with you (remember they are JUST as miserable as you are), instantly making them ore Dudely.

This simple strap of leather will help you to get through the evening and hopefully into the sack with your woman for that once a year sex you look forward to.

The second Dudely application is during the summer.  A Dude should never be further than arms length from his beer when grilling during the summer months.  These times are hot and a Dude always needs to keep his cool (as well as stay drunk as much as possible), so having a beer strapped to your thigh at all times furthers your ability to stay worthy of the title Dude.  You may ask, “But why not just carry around a flask at a grill session or put your beer down at the table?”  Fine questions, all.  For starters, although a Dude wants to be drunk, the use of a flask at a Summer BBQ can lead to a very un-Dudely loss of control, dehydration and pissing of ones shorts.  We keep a relative drunk of 5 beers an hour before eating and a healthy 7-10 after.  Mixing in liquor will up the ante and you will most likely shit yourself and drown in a kiddy pool.

As for putting your bottle down, it is very easy to lose track of your beverage if you do not have it near you at all times.  Dudes don’t drink warm beer as it tastes like piss and that is very un-Dudely.  Putting it down allows for some other Dude to mistakenly (Dudes NEVER share beers) pick it up and take a sip.  Having it strapped to your leg allows you to keep one hand on it as a temp gauge and at the same time as a “Back the Fuck off my Beer” guard.  I hope you will enjoy this handy invention and get it for any Dudes out there who need to Suit Up just that much more.

http://gifts.redenvelope.com/gifts/beer-holster-30002961?viewpos=2&trackingpgroup=RFMCO&REF=REDSRCHgoogkwd_man+gifts_b&PRID=SRCHribbon20

The Solar Radio

Now to the untrained eye, this very Dudely gadget might not be for you, but let me tell you why you will die cold, alone and in a very un-Dudely way if you don’t get this thing.

http://gizmodo.com/5716757/solar-radio-doubles-as-usb-charging-multitool-for-adventurers

This gadget is super bad-ass for any Dudes of the outdoors as it will probably save your life.  Its made for the manliest of hikers who, when out in the middle of nowhere, get lost and refuse to ask for directions (as all Dudes do.  Hey, who the fuck are you to tell me where to go?)  So this all-in-one gadget has a compass, barometer (whatever the hell that is), a temp gauge and altimeter for starters.  Its rubberized for shock & water-proofing and has a clip for your belt (so it can hang right next to your beer holster.  No Dude ever hikes/camps sober (see DDO Camping Trip)).  And to make sure you pack as light as possible (as any Marty Stauffer/Grizzly Adams-type would tell you), this awesome gift from the Dude Gods even comes with a bottle opener.

These 2 gift ideas are ideal for the Dude out there who has everything and should be purchased at the last possible second to avoid looking like you care enough about anyone or anything enough to go shopping for them.  Remember, during this holiday season, Dude hard but Dude safely.

Happy Holidays!

DMD.Net